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ncfm

At The End Of My Tether...advise Needed

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Hi all,

 

It's been a while since I posted here, but I've been reading loads and keeping up-to-date with the boards.

 

The truth is I need some serious advise. I'm pretty much at the end of my tether (as I'm sure you all have been at some point or another).

 

Ok, so background info. I've been slowly thinning (diffused thinning) for about the last 10 years (well since I was 18 or so) to me it's a terrible way to go bald as I've got noticibly thin hair on the top of my head, altho I'm not receeding.

 

I have slightly long hair (about 4 inches long) and have been using propecia for 2 years, and using a concealer to mask for about the same amount of time. The thing is, my hair has gotten drastically thinner over the last 6 months. So much so that using concealer looks rediculous in day-light or brightly lit rooms. I wear a hat most of the time I'm out, but in my work I'm regularly in meetings and I can't wear hats on those occasions, and I have two weddings in the new year which I'm just panicking about as I know there will be out-door photos etc.

 

I'm starting to notice people looking at the top of my head when they're talking to me, and I just know they're thinking 'he's coloring in his scalp'. I can also see right through my hair now in the bathroom mirror.

 

I've become so insular and unsociable recently because I can't mingle with people when they go outdoors for a chat, or to the office lunch-room because it's too brightly lit. I don't know what to do. I really wish I never started using the concealers obviously most people who haven't noticed think I've got normal brown hair...so if I shave my head to a number 1 they'll wonder how it got soooo thin over night because the follicles will be so greatly spaced out on top, but normal at the sides and back - it'll look like i went bald over night!! :(

 

I have been discussing a HT with spex and doing loads of reading up, but I'm not sure if I can pull it off because of work (i.e. explaining the scar and shaved head to friends/ family/ clients until it hopefully re-grows). I just don't have the b*lls to say 'I got a HT!' unfortunately.

 

I've not told any of my friends or family I've been doing meds/concealer, and I can't keep up the pretense any longer. I just don't know what to do. Shaving my head seems the only option, but I don't have the confidence to do it, I'm already at my lowest...that would push me over the edge!

 

I was thinking of talking to my family about it. My mum used to chat to me about it when I first noticed it when I was younger...but she doesn't know about the meds or the concealer. I just feel so ashamed by it all.

 

What can I do?!! Any one in/ been in the same/ similar predicament?

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I think that 4" is too long if you dont have the density. What products are you using?

Maybe you could just take it down to 2" on top and very short at the sides/back. If it still looks terrible then just buzz it all down to about grade 2 or even 1. I've been there when I got to nw3 I just buzzed it from about 2" to grade 1 it was one of the worst days of my life. :(

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Thanks for the reply s.a.f.!

 

I'm using toppek shampoo & conditioner w/ toppik concealer. I also use Nizoral once or twice a week (along with propecia) none of it seems to be working tho...still getting progressively thinner it seems.

 

I was considering Rogaine Foam as next step to see if that will do anything, but I've read mixed reviews.

 

I've basically got 4" length hair in a centre parting, and was considering getting short sides/ back and then combed forward/ together on top if you know the kind of style I mean. It might be too thin for that now.

 

Mind you, I'm scared of getting this done in case it looks worse, and also scared to go to a salon/ barbor because I'll not have my hat or concealer on to 'protect' me! :o

 

How did people react to your change? What do you do now in relation to your hair?

 

edit - just read your info page...very imformative!

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hi ncfm

i , know where your coming from,i`m a service engineer by trade and i hated going in to customers and bending down to expose my thinning crown as well as all the blokes at work who took delight in calling me zidane.

i had my first ht with a crap doc who fortunately for myself didn`t shave me down and as i had very thick hair then especially in my donor i could camouflage my ht.i was so paranoid that people could see it i avoided bending or kneeling down as much as i could.

with your situation you need as much time off work as possible,maybe fake an illness to give you the time you need to get back to as near as normal

 

you can always ask your ht doc if he can do your ht without shaving down as you can disguise it a lot better.

i hope this helps mate and dont despair as your health and well being are upmost and you are more important than any job.

 

take care mate and remember there is plenty of hope and help available so stick at it and i`m sure more guys on here will offer invaluable help and support for you as we`ve all been there

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Thanks for the reply and input!

 

The main problem is...I don't know how to make any changes. I've had my hair this way for ages, working diligently to disguise any loss, but it's getting too hard to cover up and ppl are really noticing. but they're not noticing hairloss...they're noticing a scalp covered in brown concealer!! :o

 

I used to be able to walk outdoors, and not worry about bright rooms because the concealer helped, but now light just shines right thru my hair and all you can see is a colored scalp with fine hair on top.

 

I'm avoiding work occasionally, avoiding relationships, avoiding events were I can't wear a hat or sit in the dark... I'm basically scr*wed atm! I've got an amazing girl who loves me, and I've basically pushed her away because I don't want her to find out because I'm so embaressed and ashamed of what I do. It's wrecking my life!

 

How am I gonna make my initial changes? I can't just shave my head tomorrow because it'll be too striking a change. Re: HT - I have generally fine hair all over, so I'm worried a donor area would be insufficient, or that the HT wouldn't work and I'd not be able to shave my head due to scarring.

 

I'm really at my wits end. I wish I'd never touched concealer at all and just shaved my head when I started using it!

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hi mate

you could always go to work with no concealer and tell the local gossip your suffering from alopecia who will in turn tell everyone else.you could tell your girl the same and explain to her this is the reason why you have been distant towards her.you will feel a lot better with your girl on side.

this way people will be concerned for your health and you can then confide in your girl that you are thinking of a ht on your GPs advice.

 

as for your donor hair you will need to have a consult,drop spex a pm as if you can meet him he will give you an honest opinion of what can be achieved with your situation.

 

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Hi ncfm

 

I am in a very similar postion to you in fact identical. I am using the toppik concealer and over the last six months my hair has thinned more and a few people have started to notice I am hjust about getting away with it . I work in a office and i am consious of bright lights, sitting in the sun etc. A couple of people have even questioned what am i wearing in my hair? I have managed to deflect it by saying i dye my hair as i have slightly ginger side burnst o prove this. I say i use just for men or something, which is just bollocks.

 

I think the guys are right. 4 is too long. Bring it down to a 2 or something. 1 round the sides. Also dont use too much of it. Spread it lightly. When it dries it will look slightly better.

 

Lucky its my last day today and im buggering off to thailand for 3 months so i havent got to work in an office environmnet . Ive been on proscar for about 3 months and am starting to notice a slight difference. I am planning on going to see dr feller next year.

 

So mate your not the only one. I know its hard. If it gets too much just shave it off . It might not be as bad as you think. And if anyone takes the piss, tell them to go f**k themselves!

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Guys this is great advice/ feedback, thanks!

 

I think I'll take the first step and get a hair cut. I'll need to look to see if there are any salons or places that may specialise in hairloss or thinning hair (I've heard there are ones around) I just couldn't bear going to a normal place and go through the whole humiliating experience. I remember the last time I went to a barbour (about 4 years ago)...it lasted 30-40 mins and it was the longest moment in my life and my hair was a good bit thicker then. Atm I cut my hair myself, or used to get my girl to trim it (touching ends only) in the living room where it's dimly lit. Maybe I could buy clippers with variable lengths and do it myself?

 

Maybe I take the embaressment badly, I know people who are going bald and don't seem to care. Hell my brother is a few years older (he went bald differently to me in his early 20's) and he just laughed it off. To me it's ruined my 20's. I've avoided so much because of this. Turned down holidays in the sun, pushed girls away when they get too close, pissed off employers because I avoid certain professional situations. Apart from this my life would be bliss. I have a house, earn enough to live happily, really good friends/ family...no other worries. Just lack of self-esteem due to this.

 

I'd just love to be able to walk outdoors without a hat (rain or shine), go swimming again, be able to stand for photos and not worry if the flash will tell-tales, or make sure I'm not standing under a bright light. I feel so cheated (as some of you have said before).

 

I've mailed spex a bit last month and sent him photos etc. He said (hope you don't mind me mentioning spex) I wouldn't need to see him as the pics i sent were ok to assess the situation. He said I'd need to get it buzzed down before the session for the best result. I just don't know if I can do that yet. If I have the procedure in Feb, I have a wedding in March and one in April. I doubt I'll have grown much back in that time, and I can't turn up for wedding photos w/ the scar etc.

 

Ah well, I'll look into this haircut first...

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ncfm...

 

I 100% relate to what you say though I never used any products... just got conned into a transplant when I was 28.. now 41 and the plugs show... I tend to forget about it as I told my close friends and family but I also get depressed about it... only yesterday at a DVLA office the guy behind the counter seemed to be talking to my hair line and not me... just realised what it must be like for the ladies with big boobs !! Left there feeling like all I wanted to do was run home and hide... I have bought some baseball caps but refuse to wear them... as somehow this will admit to a 100% defeat..

 

Sorry to ramble on... my point is that if I could turn back time I would never have done anything and left my hair, cut ot short and carried on with life..

 

I agree with all the guys on here about how it affect our lives... but I know so many nice guys with thin hair and they have lives, wives/girlfriends etc..

 

I think that 90% of the depression caused is what we make ourselves... yes you are always going to get the odd person who jokes.. but that is life and people will joke about any misfortune.

 

Its not the right way to think but an example is one of my friends... he was burnt as a child and his face is quite bad... but has a great head of hair... he says he would swop with me tomorrow... but you would aslo never meet such a confident man.. and this is someone who is constantly stared at..

 

Its all relative... how it affect you... I would gradualy cut it shorter and shorter... and just enjoy life and the positive things around you... Bladness will not stop you finding a good woman... becoming a hermit will.

 

Anyway... enough of my rubbish... I am just plucking up the courage to arrange a repair HT... but also looking at getting rid and the hair I have and trying to minimise the scars... either way I just want to look natural.. bald or hair..

 

I really hope you find a solution.

 

Tim

 

 

 

jgs.... agree with you... you lucky sod... Thailand !! Norfolk for me this Christmas....

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Hi timuk. I know what you mean about 'it's all relative'. I have an overweight friend in his 20's who is deeply depressed because he just can't lose any weight no matter how much he exercises or watches his diet. He always comments on me being skinny and that he would give anything to be skinny too...but of course I'd love to have his thick hair!

 

Gonna 'confess all' to my mother tonight. We've talked about my hairloss before years ago. She's aware I've been having serious self-esteem issues recently, and I know she won't mock me about the concealer (too much I hope!! hehe) I'll ask her to cut my hair if she can, as I don't think I can face a barbour/ salon.

 

Do any of you guys use Rogaine Foam? What do you think of it? I've read some amazing reviews, and some not so great reviews (as with any product) but I'm willing to give anything a try. It seems the preferred method (rather than in liquid form). Have any of you guys seen much/ any re-growth with this product? How long did it take until you saw any change? I don't have any completely bald areas atm, so this would be used on my whole scalp which is generally thinning.

 

tbh, if I could get a month or so off work (to recover/ regrow/ hide), and knew the HT would work (i've read they're not always successful) ...I'd organise it with Spex today to get it done in the new year - and just re-start my life.

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Yeah thats it Spuraman, I'm at a crossroads here...I can:

 

1. shave it all off and try to deal with that and re-build my confidence and self-esteem over the next few years

2. get a HT, hope that it goes well and get back my self-esteem

3. continue the way I am...hiding in shadows and living a miserable life because of hairloss

 

2 seems the most attractive option. I'd love to get a HT, but £4-5k is a lot of money and I'd be worried I'd get bad results. Also the propecia doesn't seem to be working well with me. I mean I have not maintained what I had when I started it over 2 years ago...and the last 6 months there has been a drastic amount of loss.

 

What happens if I get the HT, and the rest on top falls out over the next year...I'm gonna be even more scr*wed then because I can't just shave it all off (due to the scars etc).

 

I have quite long/ straight hair on my legs...I wonder if that could be used for donor area instead! hehe plenty of hair there! :rolleyes: :D

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You need to think long term in your situation.....meet with Spex or Dr Feller and they will access your donor situation, once that’s done then you can plan accordingly. I had my first ht at 23 (im only 24 now) coz it made me unhappy. My case sounds easier then yours, I had much more aggressive hair loss and an HT was my only option to restore my hair. (see my pics)

 

You need to work out what your expectations are before you go any further. If you think your hair is going to be like when you was 16 then think again. Search and look at different pictures of HT and work out what you think you expect. Speak to spex and he will tell you straight. if you go to a highly skilled Dr like Feller then you are going to get a good result. But if your expectations are really high then you might think different.

 

Further loss is inevitable, although u may think that proscar isn’t doing anything your hair may be worse if you didn’t stick with them. You will always need more then 1 ht, If i were you i would get one now and see the outcome, you may need to go back again in a few years time if more loss has occurred, but at least you will be happy again and your confidence will return. Maybe in a few years time there may be a magical pill so you might not need to go back :P

 

i hope this helps you out.

 

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I can:

1. shave it all off and try to deal with that and re-build my confidence and self-esteem over the next few years

2. get a HT, hope that it goes well and get back my self-esteem

3. continue the way I am...hiding in shadows and living a miserable life because of hairloss

 

2 seems the most attractive option. I'd love to get a HT, but £4-5k is a lot of money and I'd be worried I'd get bad results. Also the propecia doesn't seem to be working well with me. I mean I have not maintained what I had when I started it over 2 years ago...and the last 6 months there has been a drastic amount of loss.

 

What happens if I get the HT, and the rest on top falls out over the next year...I'm gonna be even more scr*wed then because I can't just shave it all off (due to the scars etc).

 

I have quite long/ straight hair on my legs...I wonder if that could be used for donor area instead! hehe plenty of hair there! :rolleyes: :D

 

It would be helpful for us to get an idea of your situation by seeing some pics. I think you should give your 3 options a try in the order that you've written them.

If you can live with option 1 (whilst continuing treatment with the big 3) its by far the easiest thing to do.

If you cant then start looking into option 2. Look at what can be realistly be achieved and get advice from a ethical Dr about your situation. Its possible that you could get a transplant to achieve a decent head of hair that could be maintained for decades. £4-5k is alot of money but if it means avoiding option 3 its well worth it.

 

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ncfm..

 

All the guys on here seem good to me, I wish I had had access to a site like this all those years ago.. would have saved me an awful lot of heartache...(and money)

 

I think the best thing of all is that you have found this site and not been butchered by a UK clinic... read and learn from the horror stories.... I can tell you that you do not know how lucky you are and really mean that should be a positive for you... going bald is nautral.. and I envy guys that are balding like nature intended.. I have plugs that would suit a childs doll and some nice scars at the back of my head that I refer to as my "racing stripes"... I would love just to buzz down and get on with live... but....

 

You have found the best place here... read all the info and make the choice you think will make you happy. I have seen hundreds of pictures of transplants and can say hand on heart it has to be the USA.

 

I have never met Specs but have had some advice and sent him photographs.... seems like a great guy and also very helpful.

 

My mum was the first person I told... she was great about it but said that she really did not want me to have surgery...wish I had taken her advice... I have had no male relatives that were alive and was told none of them had hairloss... so guess I must have been a throw back !!

 

Even though I am more concerned about my hair now than I was before the HT (which was over 14 years ago now), if anyone asks about my hair I tend to tell them I was injured and it was a patch up... only one person ever took the piss and I just told them to "F" off...

 

Sorry... going on and on..

 

Just do what makes you happiest but please do not even consider option 3 :-)

 

Be lucky, but most important.... Be happy

 

Tim

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hi ncfm

 

listen mate hairloss sucks but you gotta get some balls if you go down the ht route ,also i was amazed by just how many people want surgery for some thing there don't like about themselves .

 

i found telling people helps and you feel better couse your not lieing any more ,just tell your girl and your family first

 

saf is right too ,do the things in that order ,make a bold statement about how you can carry off any hair cut ,fuck off the concealers ,the only person your kidding is yourself .

 

Then shave that fucker ,right down in one go ,believe me it feels great and your girl will love the shaven GI look ,it works for beckham ,feel confident look people in the eye ,stop worrying about what others think .

 

What i've learnt from being honest with people and girls , is that women don't give a fuck if your losing your hair ,most find confidence is sexy as hell and being confident to buzz your hair will have them girls in your office creaming , you'll see .

 

So my advice is this

 

BUZZ IT DOWN grade #3 then try #2 then a #1 if you like it

 

FUCK OFF the concealers ,girls see that as sadder than having the confidence to shave it .

 

be proud of you new look and lap up the comliments you will recieve .

 

Now this is the biggy ,research hair surgery find if its what you want to do ,its a big comitment and life changing ,you,re on meds ,thats good .

If you still want hair surgery go see Dr Feller

 

Work out when and how your going to do it ,take some hols ,have surgery ,then the best thing is to tell the dicks at work (your boss ) that you hurt you head in a fall ,fixing your roof or something ,fractured your skull and they had to remove some skull bits hence the big arse scar ............... mint

 

Tell close buddies ,family and your girl ,who incidently had a great few days in New York ,EASY

 

check out my threads for pic ,stories and info

 

http://stophairlossnow.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=3198

 

http://stophairlossnow.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=3170

 

http://stophairlossnow.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=3141

 

pm me if you want to talk ,hair loss is a bastard but there is ways to make this life changing surgery very very easy

 

good luck bud

richie

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Riche.... to the point and very true..

 

Did not think about the excuse of a serious head injury !!... do you think its possible to get away with wearing a bandage for 3 months or more... could be a real pain but its giving me an idea !!

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timuk

 

Wearing a bandage is not needed ,with holidays and faking an illness you could easy blagg a month off .

 

After a month the redness and lumpy scalp has gone down enough that you shave you hair to a number #2 or #3 and you look normal ,the scar is visable but thats where the injury story comes in and you,ve also shaved you hair because thats what the H0Spita1 did so you match the rest for work ....get it ...easy .

 

Also after this magic month off most of your implanted hair will have shed so you will look pretty much the same as you did before any surgery ,a bit red and with a scar from your " injury " ,most people are that self absorbed they won't even notice ,some will notice and ask ,then when you explain your "injury" watch how you actually get sympathy , others will coment how you look younger with a shaven head ,watch them it's funny as f@ck hahahah . Keep it shaved down for a month or two as you new hair grows in ,nobody will even notice as your hair seems to grow back thicker ,but we know ther is really more of it .

 

And all the time your beating the curse of male patern sucks like shit baldness hahaha .

 

It's as easy as you want to make it bud .

 

good luck

richie

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I'm not sure about all these injury stories :unsure: .

If you go to a decent surgeon the strip scar should'nt be so bad its just a case of waiting for the hair to grow back and whilst thats happening you can use a concealer like Mane spray to cover up the evidence.

A HT (trico) strip scar does not look anything like an accident or surgery scar.

When you return to work it should just look like you've had a buzz cut.

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hey s.a.f ,

 

i had a pal who fractured his skull in a motor cross spill and the surgeon cut a very similar scar pattern to pull the skin back to remove the bits of broken skull ,his wound was on the top front of his head tho ,they even stapled him back together , because it was a surgical cut in a thearter the wound looked remarkably similar to a HT donor wound ,thats were i got the idear ,his was on top of his head ,were as ours are at the back of our heads .

 

I hear what your saying and it was only one idear , the point was really that getting hair surgery can be made easier with a little honesty , inginuety and a couple of white lies hahaha .

 

these arnt my pal ,these are pics of a motor crosser called seth enslow who had a similer spill to my mate

look familia don't they ?

 

IPB Image IPB Image

 

 

later bud

richie

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Riche..

 

cheers..... spoke to a close girlfriend of mine today.. she said "sod everyone", just tell them you wanted an hair transplant and thats that !! She told everyone about her boob job and was admired for it..

 

Hair is strange... no-one thinks twice about telling the world they are having their teeth fixed etc.. but when it comes to an HT it seems so different... !! Still concerned but still know I need to bite the bullet.

 

As usual... good advice and help from everyone on here...

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Riche..

 

cheers.... She told everyone about her boob job and was admired for it..

 

i would like to admire them too,with all the false boobs about i have never felt one never mind a pair :blink:

 

 

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Riche..

 

cheers..... spoke to a close girlfriend of mine today.. she said "sod everyone", just tell them you wanted an hair transplant and thats that !! She told everyone about her boob job and was admired for it..

 

Hair is strange... no-one thinks twice about telling the world they are having their teeth fixed etc.. but when it comes to an HT it seems so different... !!

It all depends on the company you keep. I know that if I told my work mates about having a HT my life would'nt be worth living. You cant really choose your work mates.

I think you should post some pics of your freind and her new rack so we can all admire her for it! ;)

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Well thanks for all the input again guys!!

 

Finally after 10 years of slow thinning, depression and complete loss of self-esteem, I went over to my mothers place and told her exactly whats been going on over the last few years. I told her about using concealer, propecia, how I feel hairloss has/ is ruining my life because of wasted opportunities. It was a massive weight off my shoulders and things couldn't have gone better. She was totally understanding, and said 'right, what can we do to get you back on track?'. She even suggested getting a HT down the line, but to try to talk to some ppl first. She watches all these shows about procedures and treatments to help people with self-esteem issues, so she was full of ideas and knew of all the medications and types of procedures available now. I was shocked! hehe

 

She called me this morning and said she'd spoken to a private tricholist of 30 yrs who is also a hair stylist. So I've got an appointment made to go see her next week for a consultation and to get my hair cut shorter (I couldn't have faced a salon in front of everyone looking w/ some 18 yr old girl cutting my hair and laughing! lol)

 

Getting my hair cut is the first step in the right direction I feel. If I can re-style to something that looks better than it is now, get people used to seeing me with shorter hair (instead of my 4" all over hair) and start ditching the concealer, then I can look at my options for how I proceed. If I feel confident enough I'll buzz my hair short...and then If I want I can go down the HT route.

 

I still feel at my wits-end, but I feel so much relief from actually talking to someone I know about it.

 

Also like s.a.f. says...I couldn't tell my work-mates or friends I was getting an HT - my life also wouldn't be worth living! lol Mind you it is strange that out of all the cosmetic procedures available...it does have the worst stigma attached for some reason. I know girls/ guys who have gotten nose, lip, breast work done and it's all very out in the open and accepted. Maybe things will change overtime.

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Well done mate ,absolute top , things will start moving for you now .

 

I wasn't around on here till november 2007 ,researched for a year before that , so havn't met you till now but seriously top going ,mums are ace ,arnt they ? hahaha

 

I only told close mates and family ,my girl knew too and thought i was a star for doing something about it , it's mad now though 'cos everbody comes to me for advice on cosmetic surgery hahahha ,loads of my pals and family want something doing ,it's like i paved a way for them ,my own brother and one of my pals came and asked me for details on were to get proscar from once they had seen my results . My dad had his teeth done ,a girl buddy had a chemical peel and i helped another one book nose surgery using forums like this to find top surgeons . It's mad hahahah

 

Good luck with whatever you decide bud and again well fooking done .

richie

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Ha ha..

 

Well...... about the boobs.... cant get a photo so will just have to describe them..

 

They pink, not too hard (just the right about of bounce), feel lovely and wow... they are lovely :-)...

 

USE YOUR IMAGINATIONS !!!!!

 

 

Mind you her original set were very nice... like all of us she was not happy something about her body and decided it was the right thing to do, I will say I thought she was crazy as she is good looking, has wonderul legs and is an intelligent blonde (also one of the kindest people you could hope to meet)!!.. One good thing is that she knows about my story so this made her do her research and spent over a year looking... she got in contact with a woman who was having hers done and went through all the stages with her... only then having seen the surgery, aftercare and final result did she go through with it....She only has very good things to say about the clinic. if only I had done the same all those years ago !!

 

Like I said... she is lovely anyway... but now she says she feels complete and is very happy..

 

So, no matter how good looking and confident that guy with a full head of hair looks... just think... he is probably paranoid about something !!

 

I am now in the process of sorting life and schedule out and have decided to GO FOR IT... probably end of April !! eeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk.............

 

 

 

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.

 

So, no matter how good looking and confident that guy with a full head of hair looks... just think... he is probably paranoid about something !!

 

I am now in the process of sorting life and schedule out and have decided to GO FOR IT... probably end of April !! eeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk.............

 

 

i hope the above guy has a tiny d*ck

 

good luck with whatever you decide

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WELL DONE bigmac ,timuk and ncfm

 

Good luck lads and to spur you on here's a pick of my girls boobies ,yes ther're real and yes it really is my girl , and no she doesn't know her tits are now splashed across the internet hahahahahahaha

 

HURRAY FOR BOOBIES

 

IPB Image

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